The Case of Old MacDonald

Hello, everyone. You know me by now as Yugo Yamamoto, mild-mannered, handsome boy.
But when trouble calls and danger dials (I screen my calls), I jump to answer the phone as Zach Magnum, P.I.


One day, I received reports from my eyes on the street, Guri and Gura. After telling me a long story about their latest picnic and the time they found a giant egg, they mentioned some strange rituals being carried out by the animals in a nearby farm. Since no one else understands Guri and Gura, I went to investigate.

Sure enough, the barnyard animals had constructed a gate, a portal sheathed in cowhide, with spooky talismans hanging down from the arch. I could see what looked like swine and bovine heads dangling over a prone form. Was I too late? No, as usual, I arrived just in time. Someone was planning a stuffed animal sacrifice and had placed a drugged Elmo under the summoning portal. In a brief moment of consciousness before slipping back under to his fever dreams, Elmo sqeaked, "Ehh, meh daaanaaaa." "What?" I asked severely. "He had a cow." "Who, Elmo, who?" "With a moo moo here and a moo moo there." "Elmo, you're not making sense. Speak to me!"
"Everywhere a moo moo...." His voice trailed into drooling silence.

After putting Elmo on a fast train to sobertown, I pondered his cryptic words. They had a familiar ring. But I could not put my finger on it. "Everywhere a moo moo. Hmmm." There was only one thing I could do. Go to the desert.

My trusty guide and informant, Ali Matto, who does not fear the sun, told me all he knew of this "moo moo" as I meditated in the desert cabana. "There is a man, a man who has been gone a long time. He has many animals. Each animal makes a sound. The sounds are here, there and everywhere. It can drive a weak man mad. Now I must go; my enemies approach and my tan is almost ready. To learn his name, follow the music."

So I had come full circle. To follow the music, I decided to infiltrate the New York Philharmonic, cleverly disguised as a cello. There I learned the painful truth. There was a man who had a farm. His name was Old MacDonald. Ee-eye ee-eye oh. Another case closed by yours truly.